Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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