I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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