you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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