The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
