That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
