lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i need some magic done to my vagina
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
