hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
