You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
