i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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