I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
