you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
