I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
