i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
