You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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