I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
