LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
