hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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