my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
