im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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