its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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