Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
