i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
