that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
