Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
