Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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