That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
