I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
