she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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