I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize