Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
