Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
