I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
