and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
