My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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