WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
