wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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