At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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