I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
