also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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