you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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