whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
