just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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