"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
