Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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