Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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