that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
