Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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