That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
