Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
