im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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