I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
