i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
