is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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