Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
