you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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