Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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