just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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