apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
