He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
