i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
