i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
