my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
