And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
