he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
