There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
are you so shy because you have an std?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
