It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
