yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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