So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
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Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation