i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
