I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.