this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.