I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
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I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me