DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek