He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
