hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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