I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He shit in the fireplace
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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