yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
