I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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