i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize