Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish i was in the wii world.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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